I start this line with I

I found her in a closet once

Clutching a down comforter

crying with red blood shot eyes

mom what is wrong?

I was staring at the ground

her image stained on beige carpet

“go away” she says “I’m fine”

left my backpack in the car

I take the keys

her trembling pale hands now within reach

clutches the knob

looming white four panel door shadows swallow her

I am on the river fishing for bluegill

she walks off with the followers

begging for more time

Id always risk abandonment for fishing

There was nothing as good as a hug from mom

her reassurance, always so confident around me

confidence

the root of her deception

i could never understand why someone would do what she did

hiding everything that was true from the only ones who could

help

attacking those closest why?

Shame, i don’t know, something

I still loved her though

i knew deep down something wasn’t right

given my alternative I preferred a wacked out mom to an unstable

dad

turns out he was bipolar untreated

I have a lock box for these moments

sitting heavy in my chest

an emotional weight keeps me flightless for now

She cries out loud when she thinks I’ve gone

One thought on “I start this line with I

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s